Wife & Girlfriend

If they were computer programs

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0, and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. He’s finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).

During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and Brother-in-law Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he’d like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0:

a “Don’t remind me again” button.
a Minimize button.
an install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources.
an option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system’s hardware probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 7.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. Apparently the previous versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 6.0 doesn’t work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing — all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an atechinternet-users.gifnonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.

Tech Support Suggestions

These are very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 6.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 6.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 7.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under “Warnings - Alimony/Child support”. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YESDEAR to alleviate software augmentation.

Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you may have to give the C:\APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

The Right Time for An Islamic Reformation

By Salman Rushdie



When Sir Iqbal Sacranie, head of the Muslim Council of Britain, admitted that "our own children" had perpetrated the July 7 London bombings, it was the first time in my memory that a British Muslim had accepted his community's responsibility for outrages committed by its members. Instead of blaming U.S. foreign policy or "Islamophobia," Sacranie described the bombings as a "profound challenge" for the Muslim community. However, this is the same Sacranie who, in 1989, said that "Death is perhaps too easy" for the author of "The Satanic Verses." Tony Blair's decision to knight him and treat him as the acceptable face of "moderate," "traditional" Islam is either a sign of his government's penchant for religious appeasement or a demonstration of how limited Blair's options really are.

Sacranie is a strong advocate of Blair's much-criticized new religious-hatred bill, which will make it harder to criticize religion, and he actually expects the new law to outlaw references to Islamic terrorism. He said as recently as Jan. 13, "There is no such thing as an Islamic terrorist. This is deeply offensive. Saying Muslims are terrorists would be covered [i.e., banned] by this provision." Two weeks later his organization boycotted a Holocaust remembrance ceremony in London commemorating the liberation of Auschwitz 60 years ago. If Sir Iqbal Sacranie is the best Blair can offer in the way of a good Muslim, we have a problem.

The Sacranie case illustrates the weakness of the Blair government's strategy of relying on traditional, essentially orthodox Muslims to help eradicate Islamist radicalism. Traditional Islam is a broad church that certainly includes millions of tolerant, civilized men and women but also encompasses many whose views on women's rights are antediluvian, who think of homosexuality as ungodly, who have little time for real freedom of expression, who routinely express anti-Semitic views and who, in the case of the Muslim diaspora, are -- it has to be said -- in many ways at odds with the Christian, Hindu, non-believing or Jewish cultures among which they live.

In Leeds, from which several of the London bombers came, many traditional Muslims lead inward-turned lives of near-segregation from the wider population. From such defensive, separated worlds some youngsters have indefensibly stepped across a moral line and taken up their lethal rucksacks.

The deeper alienations that lead to terrorism may have their roots in these young men's objections to events in Iraq or elsewhere, but the closed communities of some traditional Western Muslims are places in which young men's alienations can easily deepen. What is needed is a move beyond tradition -- nothing less than a reform movement to bring the core concepts of Islam into the modern age, a Muslim Reformation to combat not only the jihadist ideologues but also the dusty, stifling seminaries of the traditionalists, throwing open the windows to let in much-needed fresh air.

It would be good to see governments and community leaders inside the Muslim world as well as outside it throwing their weight behind this idea, because creating and sustaining such a reform movement will require above all a new educational impetus whose results may take a generation to be felt, a new scholarship to replace the literalist diktats and narrow dogmatisms that plague present-day Muslim thinking. It is high time, for starters, that Muslims were able to study the revelation of their religion as an event inside history, not supernaturally above it.

It should be a matter of intense interest to all Muslims that Islam is the only religion whose origins were recorded historically and thus are grounded not in legend but in fact. The Koran was revealed at a time of great change in the Arab world, the seventh-century shift from a matriarchal nomadic culture to an urban patriarchal system. Muhammad, as an orphan, personally suffered the difficulties of this transformation, and it is possible to read the Koran as a plea for the old matriarchal values in the new patriarchal world, a conservative plea that became revolutionary because of its appeal to all those whom the new system disenfranchised, the poor, the powerless and, yes, the orphans.

Muhammad was also a successful merchant and heard, on his travels, the Nestorian Christians' desert versions of Bible stories that the Koran mirrors closely (Christ, in the Koran, is born in an oasis, under a palm tree). It ought to be fascinating to Muslims everywhere to see how deeply their beloved book is a product of its place and time, and in how many ways it reflects the Prophet's own experiences.

However, few Muslims have been permitted to study their religious book in this way. The insistence that the Koranic text is the infallible, uncreated word of God renders analytical, scholarly discourse all but impossible. Why would God be influenced by the socioeconomics of seventh-century Arabia, after all? Why would the Messenger's personal circumstances have anything to do with the Message?

The traditionalists' refusal of history plays right into the hands of the literalist Islamofascists, allowing them to imprison Islam in their iron certainties and unchanging absolutes. If, however, the Koran were seen as a historical document, then it would be legitimate to reinterpret it to suit the new conditions of successive new ages. Laws made in the seventh century could finally give way to the needs of the 21st. The Islamic Reformation has to begin here, with an acceptance of the concept that all ideas, even sacred ones, must adapt to altered realities.

Broad-mindedness is related to tolerance; open-mindedness is the sibling of peace. This is how to take up the "profound challenge" of the bombers. Will Sir Iqbal Sacranie and his ilk agree that Islam must be modernized? That would make them part of the solution. Otherwise, they're just the "traditional" part of the problem.

a tough time.......

5th march 2010

woke up in the morning at around 8.30...chkd my cell..it said "10 messages recieved"...all forwarded messeges- thanx to the unlimited sms offer by vodafone.
found 3 new rashes on my left arm and another two on my belly....it cant get worse than this...fever was still on....
looking like a convict maoist who cant afford to get a shave!!!
all my friends kept on msging me enquiring bout my conditon.....probably thats the only reason why i am still alive... had a glass of methir jol...it smelled awfull!!!read the morning newspaper..somehow the fact that tekegu deepak is in custody has made me read the newspaper thoroughly...its almost like a crime thriller..:P
dnt know how to kill time...and on the otherside am dying of headache!!!
had breakfast which consisted of a chapatti and phulkopir torkari...am on a strict veg and non-spicy diet(bloody f***ing hell)....den took a light shower!!!
even after that looking as if just returned from the prisons!!!i hated myself when i looked in the mirror!!!
mom managedsome neem leaves which i am supposed to be surrounded withe coz it acts like an antiseptic...so my normal room has turned out to be a " GREEN ROOM"!!!
had lunch which was once again veg..hated it but had to respect mom's effort!!!
slept in the afternoon......

i waited but she didnt call...........

Change......

They enjoy and I cry…..
I have screwd it and no one to blame!!
It’s me responsible…..i am da one!!!
It’s not over….i feel that way…
They take pictures and I sit at home….
They go for tutions and I search all the old notes!!!
They go out and I stay in…
This is all left for me…
They get worried about me…but I know the truth…
She seems to go away…
I hope she dosent…
She is the one…
I doubt it for her…
She seems upset…I hope not for me…
She seems too busy…and I just hope her to see…
I am still the same ..Forever I will be…
People seem to move away…
And I have nothing else other than to see…..
I hope we remain like we were
For now and forever…

Hi people wassup??
seeing u guys after a long time!!!
today when i set in my couch to write this, i see theres absolutely no one else to talk to about all dese!!i cant trust people anymore...or shud i say no one is worth trusting!!People are busy savin there own arse!!I admit i have done a hell lota mistakes in lifebut theres smething called forgiveness man!!people re not ready to forgive me and wen i do da same point fingers at me!!i regret growing up man!!i miss dose days so badly man!!i was so happy then and bloody hell look at me now!!!
what i have realised is i have to make my own way and no one will help me in any way, and at da same time i shud stop xpectin from people as well!!i hav realised dat even i nid to b selfish to survive!!i hav realised dat the mantra shud be: stop caring and botherin and love urself!!!!
But at da end of day i regret so many bloody decisions of my life!!
I wish i cud get back all dat i hav lost
I wish life gives me a second chance to fulfil my dreams once again!!!!

23rd of January......

today is 23rd of january, happy birthday to NETAJI..... today i was caught by my father doing somethin wrong.Isaw hi passing by and unfortunately for me but fortunately for my life he saw me and seeing me he drove the car faster...I WAS DEAD SCARED. i was trying to think wat could have happened to me....but i was numb!!!ABSOLUTELY NUMB!!!!then i received an sms from him which said,"All my hopes on u r shatterd.....I'm utterly upset". t was taken aback at that moment.....
Then at the nxt instant i received a call from himand he said that all these days he was mixing wid me and advicing me as a friend(which is true)and said that he is utterly upset with me and kept the phone..then i replied to his sms that i am really sorry and this will never happen again.

Now while i write thisam and alone and trying to study a bit. My mom and dad r not at home and i have absolutely no clue wats gona happen wen dey return...I AM DEAD SCARED!!!
i wasnt to run away where i am alone....absolutely alone...But at the same time i want my old days back.....Now dont u think that this is cald frickle mindedness....well u'r right i am a frickle minded person...as someone said "a shaky kind of a character!!!!!"

psalm of life ...........

"Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream.'
The soul is dead that slumbers
And things are not what they seem
Life is real, life is earnest the grave is not its goal
Dust thou art to dust returnest
Was not spoken of the soul
Not enjoyment nor sorrow
Is our destined end or way
but to act that each tomorrow finds us further than today
Art is long time is fleeting and our hearts though stout and brave
Still like muffled drum are beating
Funeral marches to the grave
In the world's broad field of battle, in the bivouac of life
Be not like dumb driven cattle, be a hero in the strife
Trust no future however pleasant!
Let the dead past bury its dead
Act - act in the living present
Heart within and god overhead
Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our hearts sublime
And departing leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time!
Footprints that perhaps another
Sailing o'er life's solemn main
A forlorn shipwrecked brother
Seeing shall take heart again
Let us now be
Up and doing
With a heart for any fate
Still achieving, still pursuing
Learn to labour and to wait!



© KOYEL......